Poop

Trying to think of some really uplifting, inspirational and thoughtful way to say that I have to have another surgery, but "POOP" was the only think I could muster. The good news is that the pathology report on all three lymph nodes is NEGATIVE. So no matter what, I am still Stage I.   It is just that they found ductal carcinoma close to one of the margins (this is a different and additional type of cancer than what was originally diagnosed).  I don't have my surgery date yet, but it will be in about 2 weeks.

As many of you know, I had my first surgery on September 22nd. Everything went well. Since that time, I have had the extreme good luck of having Agnes here responding to my every need, answering phones and doorbells, keeping well wishers from over"well"ming me, and most importantly, being a sister and being near. My house is full of beautiful plants and flowers, wonderful cards and an inbox with beautiful sentiments, and delicious snacks and home-cooked meals from family and friends. The airwaves are filled with prayers for me and Tom (so I apologize if your cell reception hasn't been up to par lately).

Thanks to everyone who is taking such good care of every part of me.     

Numb and Number

Is it possible that  am actually looking forward to Monday morning? I report to the hospital at 7:30, but my surgery is not until about 11:00. It should be outpatient, so I expect to be home late afternoon/early evening. I am glad that the treatment is beginning.  

But enough about me. Once we get done with this looks like we will have one more decision to make.  As some of you may be aware, Tom has been wearing a heart monitor these last few weeks to fully assess the current status of his heart condition.  He has been doing well, working hard and all that, but has been periodically bothered with feeling "yucky".  

His doctor contacted him and asked him to come in today; we saw him this afternoon. He is recommending that Tom undergo surgery to have an implantable defibrillator (ICD) placed. This is because Tom's test results showed episodes of ventricular fibrillation.  That, combined with his recently decreased ejection fraction of 30% places him at increased risk for sudden cardiac death.

Pretty frightening stuff. I really can't even believe I am writing these words and that Tom is truly at risk for this. The good thing is that he said that the ICD will prevent this from happening. So maybe this is not so much a decision to make as it is a hurdle to jump.   We may be looking at that surgery within the next two weeks, which is fairly non-invasive (OH YEAH, EXCEPT THAT A COMPUTER IS ATTACHED TO YOUR HEART, READY TO DELIVER A KICK IN THE CHEST "KA-THUNK" WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT). Nothing takes your mind off of your own troubles like your own loved one's troubles. Numb.

Happy Birthday, Sheilagh!

Is it really possible that you are 60 years old? Well, for one thing, whatever that means, you don't fit the profile! Unless of course, the profile includes 60 being the new 40. For the record, I think you look great, are super intelligent, very clever, a great artist and writer, and you have a great attitude towards all aspects of your life.  Thanks for being an inspirational big sis. 

XO

peace at last

My surgery is scheduled for Monday morning, September 22nd. I have decided, after much study, consternation, consultation with plastic surgeons, posturing naked in front of the mirror, and (yes) crying, but most importantly to me, after lovely heart to heart talks (that I will forever treasure) with wonderful women who have been kind enough to share their survival stories, to have a lumpectomy.   I will also have the sentinel node surgery that morning to finalize the staging process. 

I appreciate all of the genuine offers from my sisters and friends to donate their belly fat when I was seriously considering the DIEP procedure.  I would have had enough of my own, thank you very much. A special thank you to Ruth and Agnes who were hoping to be able to rub my newly constructed breasts after a good meal and say, "m-m-mmm that was good!" Thanks to all of  you who informed me, supported me, put up with me, and made me laugh as I was making this difficult decision. You know who you are! 

XO